God, I didn't know
by SuperWhoLockStuck64
Summary: A quick sadstuck for my beautifulwonderfulamazing friends on Parp! I tried to give it a happy ending " It's just the rough draft so sorry if it needs some fixing :O


_The blade sliced in quickly making a stomach churning squelch that sent ice through his veins. Red stained his sanity as the metallic scent of blood filled the air, seeping into every crevice emblazoning itself in Dave's memory. It was sickening and thick; everywhere. His eyes widened, watching the scene but not totally there; viewing but not fully seeing. He falls to his knees, lungs burning because somewhere in the chaos he had forgotten to keep breathing, simply sucking in air and holding it there. The ground was hard under him, cold and unmerciful as it dug rocks and clumps of dirt through his jeans and into the flesh, making painful imprints that he didn't feel. Dave's hands shakily reach out, resting lightly on Bro's chest, he can practically feel Bro's heart beat quickening, trying to make its last few beats count while the injured man bled out. He hears nothing but the faint beating of Bro's heart, so soft yet filling the world with deafening noise. Dave was wrapped in the blackness his mind created, only seeing Bro and himself floating somewhere in the void, the darkness seeming to suck the life from them both; taking each tick of time they had left._

* * *

Red eyes shoot open, the body they belong to lurches up heaving as it tries to inhale through a tear-choked throat. The burning in his chest subsided as his lunges opened, graciously accepting the air that trickled in; leaving only a dull throb of regret. His hands tremble, cold fingertips and much too warm palms, his body is imbalanced and needs recalibrating. He is Dave Strider. He is "the coolkid". He is a wreck. He is not a hero, just a mess. The Knight of Time who couldn't manage to be there at the right time when everyone needed him.

Peeling off his sweat-damped shirt, he grimaced as the fabric clung to him before popping off and rushing him with the cool air of night. He trembled, tried telling himself he was cold; that he wasn't mortified by the memory masquerading as a mere nightmare. He cooed to himself: _it's in the past, it's over._ _It's in the past, it's over. It's in the past, it's over._

When had he gotten out of the bed? How did he end up on the floor; hands tangled in his blonde hair, tugging the follicles till the pain felt like cold water trickling over his scalp. His knees dug deep into the wood floor, wobbling and unstable as they bruised.

"Hng.."

He bit his tongue, holding back the scream that clawed the inside of his throat with iron hot blades. Tears spilled from his eyes as he leaned into himself, trailing down his face whispering of things he'd tried so hard to forget, reminding him constantly as they reddened the whites of his eyes. He ripped his hands from his hair, looking at them he yelped.

* * *

_Hot, thick, pooling blood bubbled beneath his fingers. Bro winced, eyes creaking open, Dave watched as his brother fought the fog, still fighting even in his dying moments, focusing the brilliant orange orbs on his face. They glowed at him, Bro's eyes never looking more vibrant to him than they did now, as if all the life and dynamism that had occupied his person found their final resting place in the irises._

_"Bro.."_

_ His voice was thick, the words strained. Dave's shoulders elevated, bouncing with the tremors his weeping brought. He pleaded, screaming _

_"Don't leave me, you can't…I __**need**__ you!" _

_ Bro only smiled, that shit ironic smile, the smile Dave had grown up idolizing. His eyes burn with tears and fuck, cool kids weren't supposed to be afraid of anything but he was so afraid. He was afraid of everything._

_ He felt a hand, a weak and blind hand on his cheek. He snuffed the tears away to see Bro had reached up, Dave quickly cradled the limb to his cheek, his face contorting to a look of anguish at how cold it had already become. From Dave's lips strew a string of apologies that mingled with profanities and pleads for more time._

_"Shh, You did your best, lil man." _

_ The voice was ragged, laced with pain as it faded leaving the air empty. Shit. The hand was only softly cupping his cheek until Dave smashed it into his skin, because Bro wasn't supposed to handle him like he's glass but he is and it makes him feel all the more vulnerable when he realizes this._

* * *

Now how did this happen, how did he get up off the ground with limbs so tight and groaning, how did he manage this? Standing slumped, his body was so sore, sore from the many restless nights repeating the same actions again and again. Sore from a deep tiredness that went past needing sleep; Tired of wanting to cry, tired of wanting to sleep forever.

He opened the drawer, pulling out his magic key. It would split his shell and release his mind, bring him back to earth. The sting was welcomed, a small price to pay for relief as it made the horrible thoughts stop briefly; he didn't want to think anymore. Dave crawled back in bed, grateful for the stashed first aid kit in his room.

A harsh beeping woke him way too soon, his body felt heavy; exhausted. His arm throbbed but a fresh new roll of wrap on it, shoving the dirty ones in his bag to later dispose of, fixed it enough that he could push it out of his thoughts. He readied himself for school silently, he didn't talk much anymore and no one prodded as to why. Most likely out of disappointment, was Dave's idea, who could blame them. He'd let them die, couldn't save them wasn't strong enough to save them from the dangers of the game or the dangers of themselves. He shook his head, the last thing he needed was to be plagued during the day by the same thoughts that haunted him at night.

Bro looked at him, smiling wishing him a good day, looking cheery. They were all so happy, the game when it had ended they'd all come back. They rejoiced, and while it made him ecstatic as well, it flooded him with guilt. They should not have had to die, he should have saved them. He was resentful of himself, so angry, no more than that he was about to have an outrage.

"Goddamnit.." He muttered as he shut the door behind him, it latched with a soft click.

His eyes went to observe his feet, fear in his throat, anger in his eyes, and pain in his heart. It wasn't physical pain as was his arm, but it hurt even worse than any injury. His mind wondered, he didn't seem to notice anymore how his mind started to speak its hateful words, he was too busy keeping the cry of his heart quiet, no one was supposed to hear, not even him. Damn it no, okay it's time for school.

* * *

B R O

* * *

Today was a good fucking day. The sun was bright, casting its rays of light out warming everything. He was thankful for it, the days had been cold lately and he worried about his little man's health, he seemed to be staying in bed a lot more recently. Speaking of that little guy, wow had he been amping up the cool factor. So stoic recently, Bro nodded in approval silently thinking of how the bitches would be flocking to the kid. It brought an affectionate smile to his lips.

"Well, time for bills."

He grimaced, these little money grabbing assholes he had not missed, but nonetheless they had to be done and he supposed that paying three hundred dollars in electricity was a small price to pay to worrying about everyone's life on a daily basis. Digging out the things he would need he couldn't seem to find a pen. Pockets? No. Table? No.

"Now where in the hell…"

Normally he kept a few scattered about, but he was tired, it was morning and he knew Dave would have some in his room. He stood up from the chair, stretching, cracking his neck getting all the kinks out and lumbered off.

Dave's door was locked, that was odd it had never been locked before if he wasn't in there. Bro just shrugged it off, teens what can you do? He pulled out a key, of course he had a key it was his house, and unlocked the door stepping inside. The room was entirely spotless, any posters Dave had had up torn down leaving only white empty walls that placed an eerie feeling in Bro's gut. His walk slowed to a crawl, inching forward taking in the uncharacteristic features of this room. It wasn't Dave, Dave would have shit everywhere; strewn out in piles that only he could sort through.

Bro shook his head, he was at the desk now, he reached out to open the top drawer pausing because…was that blood? On the corner of the desk, just diagonal of where his hand was there was a small red drop, dried from countless times of being overlooked. This was creepy, what was going on? He tugged the drawer open, reverting back to his mission and

"Oh."

He got an empty feeling in his chest, nausea churned in his stomach, and the world just crumbled. He wanted to lie under a blanket and close his eyes, fall asleep and never wake up because how could he have been so _fucking_ stupid.

Damn, the sun was bright, he never knew daylight could be so violent. His mind buzzes, Dave hadn't been keeping up the cool kid persona, no …he'd been hurting. Bro's skin goes clammy, splotches of purple rise up from the pale tone his flesh had taken, so cold and numbed as he grabbed the blades. They were so small in size but he swore he'd never held something so heavy, it was like he carried a whole world in his hand; a world with a long history of loneliness and unanswered pleas for help. Dave had been hurting this whole time, silently reverting into himself, of course he wouldn't ask for help. The poor kid was being drowned in memories, dragged back while everyone else strode forward and…and Bro hadn't even realized.

When had he started moving? He didn't remember backing against the wall, and another thing: when had the air become so thick? It was hard to breathe, oh that could be from the hand he had pressed, no smashed, roughly against his mouth. It held back curses and apologies that would only be wasted on the silence of the room. God it all made sense now. It all made painful heart breaking sense.

Silence. Still silence. No sound perpetrated the room, if you didn't count the loud beating of his heart, the buzzing of blood in his ears, sound his body made as it tremored against the earth. Yeah other than that the empty room was so quiet. The door creaked open, Bro's eyes shifted quickly, his body moving before his mind could understand where it was going or what he was doing.

"Bro, what are you doing in my-"

He threw his arms around the boy, god if he could just hug him and make everything okay, just like when Dave was little and his biggest worry was skinning his knee, that would be the greatest fucking thing. He could feel Dave's cheeks, pressed against his chest, grow cold then searing hot as realization sank in.

"Dave, Dave oh my god bro, I…I didn't know.."

* * *

D A V E

* * *

Shit.

When did he find out, how did he get in he- a key. He must have had a fucking key. Of course he would have a key it's Bro fucking Strider, always prepared. Anger bubbled in his chest and the twist was that he couldn't be mad at Bro. There was no reason to, this feeling was directed straight to himself, because wow. He really never ceased to hurt those around him.

"This is so uncool, why am I so uncool..." he whispered breathlessly to himself. His voice wavered, "Bro… I..I'm sorry, for what it's worth I'm so goddamn sorry."

Dave was crying, he knew it and it made him so mad and sick with himself. He didn't know if he could take this anymore. Everything was beginning to be too much, because before he had hope "Only one time, relieve some stress" turned into "It's just a few scars, I'll say it's from strifing" all leading to this. Before he had hope that there was time to escape the clutches of his memories, that eventually the fog would lift and he could move on like the others. Another sob choked its way up his throat, and he tried to repress it, resulting in a weird gasp. He was sick of everything.

Bro calmly pet his head, no that's a lie, the man that held him shook, more than Dave himself.

"No, stop you did your best lil man, I'm…God shit Dave I'm fucking sorry."

His voice was thick with tears, and Dave practically hyperventilated because no. Bro didn't, he just didn't do this, Bro didn't hurt because he wasn't supposed to. Nothing was supposed to touch him, hurt him again. That was Dave's rule with them all; nothing was allowed to hurt them. Now here he was, doing exactly what he'd sworn to protect them from, he was it; the cause of it all.

He clung tightly, fingers digging into fabric seeking skin; the arms around him were tight, suffocating yet coaxing his lungs open for air. He shifted his head so he could hear the quick thud of Bro's heart, each time it pounded against his chest it seemed to scream of life and second chances. Dave wanted to do this to everyone, listen to his or her heartbeat whisper of the life they would live. Let it lullaby him to sleep, reassuring him they were there and that the years of hell they'd experienced where truly over.

Hey now what was going on, when did his feet get off the ground? He was being cradled, like a baby and for some reason it didn't piss him off, just made him cry harder. Maybe he was a baby, he wasn't a coolkid; no he was the lamest, saddest little shit you'd ever see and for right now that was kind of okay. He allowed his glasses to be removed, and the warm large head to rest on his, he didn't even protest when his hair got wet from the shared tears. Dave let the coos coddle him, and gave in to the arms that rocked him. From around him strong calloused hands extended his arm and fear pounded in his heart making his ears burn as he squirmed to pull the appendage back. The hands relaxed, letting his small sore arm retreat back to his chest and Dave suddenly felt a wave of guilt crash over him once more. Who was he to deny Bro the right of seeing what he'd done to himself?

Fat tears dripped on his head and he was too terrified to look up; Dave suddenly developed a strong interest in the way the hem of his shirtsleeve was sewn, staring at it through the fog of water clouding his eyes.

"S'okay lil bro," His heart lurched, the Texan drawl was thick and uncovered in Bro's voice, "Don't hafta show me."

A scratchy kiss was placed on his head and it brought him back to when he was a child and Bro and he would stay up late to watch weird animes about robots and strong fighters, God how he missed that. Where had it all gone, it seemed like one night they were laughing quoting the words and sharing a bowl of popcorn then the next he was having a blade shoved into his much too small hands being told to fight.

No he wouldn't deny Bro what he was entitled to see, burying his face in the broken mans chest he reached out his arm. Dave couldn't find the strength to pull the sleeve up, but that was okay because silently Bro understood, he let Dave be weak one more time and didn't even tease him; just reached out and gingerly tugged the sleeve back.

* * *

B R O

* * *

ShitShitShitShit.

Look at what he'd done.

He remembers the day he first gave Dave a pair of shades, the time he watched the first smile creep on the little guys cheeks when he recognized him, the onetime Dave had made his first rap and was so nervous he'd demanded Bro turn around as he recited it. Bro remembers the day he died, he remembers that day as vividly as if it happened every time he closed his eyes, every time the world went silent. The tears, much like the ones now, spilling over and down his little bro's cheeks, barely registering what the situation was for fear of shock of revelation.

He clearly, crisply recalls the way Dave's voice broke as he screamed for more time, only there was no more time to give only time to be spent on final goodbyes. Come to think of it, his goodbye was pretty damn shitty. He remembers wincing, not at the pain no his body had fallen into shock pretty much as soon as the sword went in numbing him unless he was moved, he winced at the way Dave's voice rose in octave, the emotions that flooded it, the disbelief, but the most painful of all the hope. The hope that his Bro would make it, because well fuck he'd pounded that idea in his head since he'd gotten the little shit. He'd never wanted to see Dave crumble like that and his wish was not granted.

The cuts were angry and red, so deep they split open like seething mouths boasting of the hatred they were carved in. Bro's face twisted, turned ugly and red as he pressed the thin arm to his lips trying to heal the wounds, forgetting they still probably hurt. The boy in his arms, god damn just a boy, tensed and relaxed, shoulders bobbing as he rode the sobs and all Bro could think about was how he was at a loss for words.

"Ya know what I said when I first gotcha?" He didn't know why this seemed like it need be spoken, but for lack of anything else he went with it.

Dave did not reply only clenched his shirt tighter, stubbornly keeping his ear to Bro's chest. Nonetheless, accent and all, he continued.

"Well, I looked down atcha an you were just so tiny. An you know what I asked myself?"

Dave buried his face in his chest, shaking, sniffling, but the sobs had resided to silent tears and Bro took this as he was listening.

"I said 'What am I doing? I can't raise a kid!' At the time I didn't have a job, or a partner, or even a home." Bro chuckled lighter, blinking away stray water that still lay in his eyes.

"You brought me that Dave. You gave me a home, someone to talk to, made me get my ass in check and find a job."

That got a reaction, puffy eyes glanced up quick as lightening and the little boy clung tighter.

"Dave, Jesus lil man I just…I hope I can do right by you."

To Bro's surprise Dave managed to open his eyes for a few fleeting moments as he reached his his hand up to Bro's face he bopped his head. Bro blinked for a moment, just staring curiously.

A raspy little voice spoke "You have…done right by me. you've done more than I could ever ask Bro.."

Their eyes met and for a moment, that legendary Strider sparkle showed traces of itself and started a chain reaction of tears and hope that maybe this actually could get better. Dave looked a bit forlorn.

"Something you want to say?"

Bro cocked an eyebrow, pulling the teen closer a bit surprised he was letting you cradle him close, but damned if he would stop it.

"We…do we have to tell anyone?" Tears brimmed and Dave looked up at him, Bro ruffled his hair like he used to do, making a mental note to do less sparring and more bonding.

"Not a soul little guy, just…promise you'll stop. Promise if you feel like it's creeping its filthy head into your thoughts that you come find me and…shit bro I dunno we'll through some sick beats down or-"

"Or watch some animes?"

Again, Bro blinked in surprise. Dave actually remembered that? Those nights sitting together, before he had to train the kid for that shit game, he remembered? He rustled his hair again, because damn it this little fucker pulled at his heart.

"Yeah. Yeah man we can do that."

Dave went for a hug and Bro went for a fist, they stopped midway and both switched creating a moment of silence before bursting into a much needed laughter.

Things were going to be alright.

They'd made it this far, and they'd go further.

You can't keep a Strider down. No one can, not even the Strider themselves.


End file.
